Bad Grass Bill

“Looks like he was up to something Bill.”

Detective William Robert slowly pans his flashlight across the field. “Tell me Earl, does the grass look matted down over there?”

“It sure is Bill Bob.” Once again Detective Robert dismisses his partner’s dull wit.

“Hey Earl, go stand by that stump, I wanna see something.”

Earl imitates a little girl skipping in the spotlight. “Anything for you Billy Bob.” Without emotion, Detective Robert whiteness’ Earl’s demise in the sticky, alien grass. “Beh, Beh, Billllll, help Bill help! I can’t move, I’m stuck real bad Bill!!”

Case Status: Unsolved

Detective William Robert

– 100 words –

Written as part of the Friday Fictioneers challenge hosted by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields (more details HERE). The idea is to write a short story of 100 words based on the photo prompt (above). To read stories of 100 words based on this week’s prompt, visit HERE.    PHOTO PROMPT © Ted Strutz

 

29 thoughts on “Bad Grass Bill”

  1. Well done — but poor Earl! Bill seems like a touchy partner. 😉
    I’d suggest you change out a few words at first for more explanatory ones. Like:
    “Detective William Robert aims his flashlight at the woods, studying the spot his partner indicates.
    Then take out a few later on:
    Without emotion Roberts witnesses Earl’s demise. “Aaagh! Bill…it’s got me! Help. I can’t move!”     Or “Beh” if you wish — unfamiliar to me.

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      1. Okay, that makes sense. I was thinking Bleh!

        Your story rang a bell with me, as my dad had a friend he called Billy Bob, Robert Reed.

        Doing flash fiction made me think of words like $50 bills — you want to get your money’s worth for every bill you hand over. I want to apply that now to my current story editing. 🙂

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    2. Christine, Thanks for your critique. I made some adjustments. I think my idea was too complex.

      Two detectives are investigating a missing persons report and found only a camera. Earl has always been bothering Detective Robert. At the crime scene Detective Robert decides to finally end Earls constant dribble. He decided to end the misery by sending Earl into his home planets snare. Try doing that in 100 words. I’m over thinking all this.

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      1. Bill’s reactions show the irritation between them well. I thought the grass was the alien, but no matter. You did a good fix. With 100 words one gets such a short scene; finding a quick setup and a mini conclusion is a real challenge.
        P.S.: You’ve used “whiteness” when you want “witness.”

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  2. I loved the concept, but found the story a bit difficult to read, because of the formatting I think. For example, if the second line (the one after the first dialogue) could come as a separate paragraph, one would immediately know that the first line was addressed to William.

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    1. I do have a tough time taking a story and filtering it down to 100 words. I think I need to see simpler promptings in order to have a better beginning, middle, and end. Thanks for reading “Bad Grass Bill” Linda. Ya know I tried working a double “Z” branding into Earl’s behind. Butt I didn’t have enough words as is. :::smile:::

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